DEATH IS EASY by Russell Madden

FREEDOM,  As If It Mattered by Russell Madden

The Guardian Project by Russell Madden

RaNdoM by Russell Madden

 

Golly. How is a poor, public-spirited politician supposed to endure the travails of our current economic woes? Every night on the national and local newscasts, we hear the plight of the governors and mayors across this fair land. With one voice of soulful solidarity, the news readers, reporters, and commentators inform us viewers and taxpayers that the wolf is loose upon the land. Our leaders are desperate. What, oh what, are they to do? What can they do? The economy is bad.

It is almost enough to make one weep in sympathetic dread.

Almost.

How is it that the politicians know that the economy is in a downturn? Is it the drop in the Dow from 11,000 to under 9,000 points? No. Is it the increase in unemployed people? No. Is it the rise in the number of empty offices and buildings as companies go out of business? No. Is it the increase in the price of gold? (*snicker*) No.

What has the politicians and the mainstream media moguls hyperventilating with panic is none of these factors. No. Unfortunately for us all, the harbingers of doom that make Sauron look like jolly Kris Kringle are...

...CUTS IN GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS!!!

Aaiiieee!

Run for the hills! Dive into your bomb shelters! Tremble under your beds!

Yes. The worst of all possible worlds is nigh at hand. A few citizens, i.e., the ones who pay the bulk of federal and state taxes are shirking their duty and not paying enough taxes! The lazy, rich bastards!

Just because people at the top 1% of income levels pay around 30% of federal taxes and the top 50% of earners pay about 95% of taxes, that is no reason to suppose they should pay a smaller percentage of the money that the State needs in order to do what it wants.

(Some other stats [approximate]: the top 5% pays 50%; the top 10% pays 60%; and the top 25% pays 85% of taxes.)

Why, just last night, I saw how greedy the rich are and how any decrease in their tax burden is actually a theft of what rightfully belongs to the People.

A prominent reporter on one of the major broadcast networks diligently and bravely performed her journalistic task. The nasty ol' folks who want to (barely) lower taxes (in narrowly defined areas that are actually offset by increases in other taxes) are trying to fool the American public by claiming that the average amount taxpayers will get is over a thousand dollars.

You can't stifle the Fifth Estate, though! No sirreebob. This intrepid reporter called in a mathematician to demonstrate on the air that you, Mr. and Ms. Average Joe and Josephine will get screwed if a new tax cut is instituted.

The math wizard gave this example: Take one rich SOB who gets a ten million dollar increase in the money he obtains from the government. Then take nine poor working slobs who only get a thousand dollars more than before. Why, the average is well over a million dollars!

This was a difficult math problem, but I did my darnedest to follow the intricacies of the argument. Lessee. The evil corporate shills who dare promote a decrease in taxes in this dire economic environment are trying to hide precisely how much the rich jerk will steal from the rest of us, and they want to make us feel as though we will get much, much more than we really will.

Grr. Imagine that: politicians who are attempting to mislead, nay, even lie to the voters. Oh, the horror, the horror!

(Too bad that reporters didn't bother to unmask such creative use of math when various Statists declared that a lower than expected increase in spending on some program was actually a cut in spending. A quibble on my part, no doubt.)

'Course, the devoted reporter and the math expert who presented their findings with urgency, mayhap even glee, in their voices, did not bother to discuss that super-complicated mathematical concept known as the "median," i.e., the point at which half of the people are above a certain number and half are below.

Oh, well. Mustn't confuse the issue by presenting a number that would more clearly indicate the relative burden of taxes. Or mentioning that the bottom 50% of wage earners in this nation pay only 5% of all taxes. Or that some tax "payers" pay a negative amount, i.e., they get back more from the State than they paid. Or that lowering tax rates and thus allowing some individuals to keep more money merely means they get to keep more of their own money that they earned, and that such increases are not taken from any money that belongs to anyone else. Or that lower tax "revenue" (i.e., stolen goods) does not "cost" the State anything. (See my essay, "Costing the Government.")

No, no. What is essential to understand is that the State is being forced to CUT PROGRAMS and that cannot be permitted to stand unchallenged!

The compassionate politicians who have raised this clarion call will not be deterred. No, by gum, they intend to do something about this.

Not enough tax money flowing into the State's coffers? Why, then they'll raise taxes! More income taxes, more tobacco taxes, more taxes on gambling, more taxes on whatever they think they can get away with.

If that doesn't sufficiently swell the State's bank accounts, heck, who cares? The stalwart politicos will just allocate more money anyway! After all, what's a little deficit spending among friends? We merely owe it to ourselves, right? Nothing lost there. I mean, come on! We have a bunch of wars going on that must be paid for: the War on Drugs, the War on Poverty, the War on Terrorism, the War on Freedom...

Indeed, the folks in Washington, D. C., are so charitable that they want to extend unemployment payments another six weeks. I have personal knowledge how intensely important this kindhearted gesture is. Why, I know a woman who was laid-off from her job and whose severance package is about to expire. She has spent the last six months at home with her small children while her husband worked. But never fear! She has six more months of unemployment payments coming! Even though she has no desire to look for a job! Because she wants to stay home with her kids! And all she has to do is make two job inquiries a week to qualify! So she'll apply for jobs she knows she has no chance of getting! And now she'll receive yet another six weeks to not-look for employment she doesn't want!

Is this a great society or what???

Finally, if the magnanimous and thoughtful politicians can't squeeze sufficient blood from us turnips to pay for goodies like these and others such as prescription drug coverage for that wealthiest segment of society, i.e., the elderly, they'll simply perform their tried and true magical sleight-of-hand and inflate away our wealth to pay for the subsidies and welfare without which we citizens will be unable to exist.

Oh, I wish I could thank my benevolent saviors in person...!

...Oh. How I wish I could...

So. Ya really want a better economy? Then let's follow the logic of our betters and hand over all our money and property to the State; let the State pay for all the goods and services we need and desire; let the State "stimulate" the economy into a massive depression so we all become utterly dependent upon our masters. Let the debts of the State pile higher than Everest. Who cares? It's only money.

Forget those quaint economic fallacies that declare individuals to be the best guardians of their own wealth; that tell us a stable monetary system with increasing production and decreasing prices is a valued goal; that pretend that freedom, effort, and voluntary action are the keys to amassing wealth.

The only catch is that you'll have to destroy your own mind to accept such balderdash. But that's a small price to pay to keep the politicans happy.

Isn't it?