DEATH IS EASY
by
Russell Madden
 
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FREEDOM, As If
It Mattered
by
Russell Madden
 
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Softcover, $24.95
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Hardcover, $34.95
 
(Preview. Also available in a digital edition, $5.63.)
 

Firefly: "Trash"
 
Episode #: 1AGE12
Story #: E01854
Written by: Ben Edlund & Jose Molina
Directed by: Vern Gillum
 
SHOOTING SCRIPT: November 27, 2002
BLUE REVISIONS: November 27, 2002
 
TRANSCRIPT by Russ Madden (July, 2005) (Rev. Feb., 2006)
 

CAST LIST
 
MAL Nathan Fillion
ZOE Gina Torres
JAYNE Adam Baldwin
WASH Alan Tudyk
KAYLEE Jewel Staite
SIMON Sean Maher
RIVER Summer Glau
BOOK Ron Glass
INARA Morena Baccarin 
SAFFRON Christina Hendricks
DURRAN HAYMER  
MONTY Franc Ross
POLICE SERGEANT John Eric Bentley

Teaser
 
1 EXT. WASTELAND - DAY

 

SLOW CAMERA PAN across a flat vista of shattered rock. Barren. Lunar. PAN ONTO a MAN seated a short distance away on the ground. His side is to us, and he is BUCK NAKED. It's MAL REYNOLDS. He lifts his head, nodding to himself as he takes in his surroundings.

 

MAL
(flatly)
Yeah... That went well
 
CUT TO BLACK:
 
TITLE APPEARS: "SEVENTY-TWO HOURS EARLIER..."
 
2 EXT. DUST PLANET - NIGHT
 
A LARGE CRATE slams down onto the ground, hard. The two smugglers who were hefting it straighten, turning to go. WIDEN to see that Mal stands close by, arms crossed.
A PILE OF SIMILAR CRATES lies in the dust around Mal. Other SMUGGLERS carry more crates, adding to the pile. (All smugglers sport holstered firearms) They are ferrying them from the lowered FREIGHT PLATFORM of a SPACESHIP, which looms overhead. Chatter from men and women moving boxes.
 
VARIOUS
OK, I got that end. All right, I got it. All right, all right.
Right here.
(continues in background)
 
MONTY (O.S.)
Malcolm Reynolds!
 
A VERY LARGE MAN steps off a ladder that goes up from the platform to the belly of the ship, beaming at Mal.
 
He's a big, gut-toting bear of a man. Not pretty. Not in the least. Think of a greasy Brad Garrett with bad teeth.
 
MONTY
You old son-of-a-- Com'ere!
 
MAL
Hey, Monty --
 
He sweeps a mildly protesting Mal up into a bear-hug, lifting him off his feet for a beat.
 
MAL (cont'd)
(wheezes)
How--you--do--in'
 
Monty releases him.
 
MONTY
They didn't tell me you were picking
up this leg of the run.
 
MAL
Yeah, well, work's been a little slow lately.
So I thought I'd do some honest
smuggling between jobs
 
MONTY
Where's that sorry-ass ship a' yours?
 
As they speak, Monty's ND CREW continues off-loading the crates, passing in and out of frame.
 
MAL
Monty, two boats like ours meeting on
an empty rock like this, that
screams contraband to the Feds. Or
have you forgotten that time you got
pinched on Beylix?
 
MONTY
Always thinkin', ain't ya. Smarts.
That's what you got. Smarts.
 
MAL
(shrugs)
Now, OK, wait.
(looks closer at
Monty)
Something's different. Something is...
 
MONTY
(smiles proudly)
Yup.
 
MAL
Something is, uh --
(Monty strokes his chin)
The beard! Oh! You shaved off your soup-
catcher!
 
MONTY
Yup.
 
MAL
Well, I thought you were gonna wear that
ugly chin-wig to the grave --
 
MONTY
(chuckles)
Yeah, so did I. But she didn't much like
my whiskers...
 
MAL
She--?
 
MONTY
(calls out)
Oh. Bridgit!
(to Mal)
What the hell am I thinking? I got to
introduce you to the missus!
 
MAL
Monty! You have fallen from our noble
bachelor ranks?
 
MONTY
I wasn't lookin' to, but she just sorta
swept me off my feet. Bridgit!
 
A woman hurries to them obscured by the smuggly bustle.
 
MAL
Ah, well, she must be a rare specimen
indeed.
 
MONTY
Yeah. Don't begin to cover it. Mal,
I want you to meet my Bridgit.
 
And she steps out from behind Monty, smiling -- until she recognizes Mal. A beat as he and SAFFRON look at each other.
 
Saffron pulls a smuggler's gun from its holster, spins with the gun locked on Mal's head, just as Mal's gun is flashing from his holster, locked on hers -- a Woo-off. They are frozen, Monty right in the middle, nonplussed.
 
MONTY (cont'd)
So... you guys have met.
 
  BLACK OUT.
END OF TEASER
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Act One
 
3 EXT. DUST PLANET - NIGHT
 
Right where we left off. Mal and Saffron sidestep, guns trained, slowly circling, very intense. Monty stands nearby, brow knitted with confusion.
 
MONTY
Mal -- why you got a piece trained on
my wife?
 
MAL
She ain't your wife, Monty --
 
MONTY
Hunh? Married 'er, didn't I?
 
MAL
You ain't the only one.
 
Mal's cut off before he can finish, because in the instant Mal's eyes flick toward Monty, Saffron scissors up a high kick, knocks the gun out of Mal's hand. She has the drop on Mal for an instant, but doesn't fire. Mal lunges, sweeping her arm to the side, catching her wrist in his grip and squeezing hard. She drops his gun. Saffron throws her head forward, smashing into Mal's nose painfully.
 
MAL (cont'd)
Gaaah!
 
MONTY
Bridget!
 
Mal staggers back, buffeted by a series of punches from Saffron. Mal fires one punch back, catching her on the chin and knocking her to the ground.
 
MONTY (cont'd)
Mal!
 
She lands on her back, mostly unfazed, and instantly rolls for the gun a short distance away. Just as she almost reaches it, Mal sails in on top of her, tackling her flat.
 
MONTY
Bridget! Hey! Quit it, you two.
Here now. Knock it off.
 
She swings an elbow back, hits the side of Mal's head hard. He reels, she rolls on top of him, hands around his throat. He does the same, and now they're strangling each other. They do this for a vicious beat, until --
 
MONTY (O.S.)
(roars)
Gorramit! That's enough!
 
Monty's big hands drop into frame, lifting them both off the ground and pulling them apart. They're both breathless, Mal's got a BLOODY NOSE.
 
MONTY
What the hell is goin' on here?
Whaddya mean she ain't my wife?
 
MAL
She ain't your wife...because she's
married to me.
 
SAFFRON
(also huffing)
Don't listen to him!
 
MAL
It's true. 'Bout half-a-year back, at
the Triumph Settlement. Only, it wasn't "Bridgit" then. It was
"Saffron." Well, she hitched me by surprise,
got on my ship, and then tried to steal it
out from under me... She is cold as
ice and dead crazy on top of it.
 
SAFFRON
You're a liar, Malcolm Reynolds!
 
MONTY
Now, I ain't never got to tellin' you his
name.
 
Saffron drops all pretense -- the jig is up.
 
SAFFRON
Hell. Fine. Be like that.
 
She pulls away from Monty and starts neatening herself up, brushing back her hair, wiping the dirt from her face.
 
CUT TO:
 
A4 EXT. DUST PLANET - NIGHT
 
MONTY'S SHIP as its engines FIRE UP, whipping a small cloud of dust around the tiny figures of Saffron and Mal.
 
SAFFRON stands with her arms crossed, looking up irritably, lit by the OS glare of the ship's lights. Mal is in the BG, with the crates. He dabs at his bloody nose with a white kerchief. Monty's voice echoes down over the SHIP'S LOUDSPEAKER, choked with hurt.
 
MONTY (OS)
Damn you, Bridget! Damn you to Hades!
You broke my heart in a million
pieces! You made me love you, and
then you -- I SHAVED OFF MY BEARD FOR YOU,
DEVIL WOMAN!
 
After a beat, a DUFFEL BAG drops into the frame from above, SLAMMING into the ground. The OS ship pulls away with a burst of engine thrust, the light from it fading.
 
SAFFRON (cont'd)
[BUN
tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO.]
 
She moves to the duffel bag, crouches, unzips it, and roots around inside. The barrel of Mal's pistol enters frame, pressing against her temple.
 
MAL
You're gonna wanna pull your claw
out of that bag, nice and slow.
 
SAFFRON
Relax. I'm not going for a gun or
anything.
 
She slowly pulls a small cylinder out of the bag, and shows it to him, cranking it. It's lipstick.
 
SAFFRON (cont'd)
Just freshening up.
 
She's about to apply it when Mal snatches it and hucks it out into the OS desert.
 
MAL
You and lipstick are a dangerous
combination, if I recall.
(gestures with gun)
Turn around.
 
She does so, with some impatience. Mal moves in and frisks her, trying to be businesslike, but she responds in a way that crackles with sexual tension.
 
SAFFRON
Oh... Yeah... Just like old times.
 
MAL
We don't have any old times. I just
don't want you pullin' a pistol out
of... of anywhere...
 
She writhes into him a little as he finishes frisking her.
 
SAFFRON
(super sexy)
Mmmm. You missed a spot...
 
Mal gives her a rough shove and she stumbles forward a step.
 
MAL
Can't miss a place you've never been.
 
She is freaky -- turns to him not with anger, but with practiced emotion -- playing to Mal as if they have a troubled, but real marriage.
 
SAFFRON
Marriage is hard work, Mal, I know
it... That doesn't mean we should just
give up...
(moves closer to him)
Sure, we've had our spats. Maybe I
made some bad decisions along the way.
 
MAL
Oh, you are a tweaked one, you are.
 
SAFFRON
(smiles)
But face it, hubby, I'm really hot.
 
MAL
Mmm huh.
(waves gun at her)
Start walkin'.
 
SAFFRON
Walking? Walking where?
 
MAL
Pick a direction. Just don't turn
around.
 
SAFFRON
Come on, Mal.
 
MAL
This is my scrap of nowhere. You go
on, find your own.
 
SAFFRON
You can't just leave me here, on this
lifeless piece of crap moon...
 
MAL
I can.
 
SAFFRON
I'll die.
 
MAL
Well, as a courtesy, you might start
getting busy on that, cause all this
chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.
 
Saffron seems done with the full court press, more herself now.
 
SAFFRON
Why don't you just go ahead and shoot
me, then?
 
MAL
I dunno.
(thinks on this)
Why didn't you shoot me? Back
when I took my eyes off you for a
split? I'm shamed to say it, but I gave
you the window.
 
SAFFRON
(condescending sigh)
You and Monty fought in the war
together, right?
(he nods)
Yeah, I smelled that. The war buddy
bond's tough to crack. I knew that
if I shot you I'd lose Monty anyways.
You just had a better hand of cards
this time.
 
MAL
It ain't a hand of cards. It's called
a life.
 
SAFFRON
Seriously, Mal. You got to give me
a ride
 
MAL
(bitter laugh)
Woman, you are completely off your
nut.
 
SAFFRON
I won't make trouble. You can stick
me in one of those crates if you
like. Just don't leave me he-
 
Mal SHOOTS. A bullet kicks up the dust about three feet from her. A beat. She sticks out her tongue. ANOTHER BULLET kicks up dust, two feet away. Another beat. She bends, lifting one strap of her heavy bag. She starts dragging it off, struggling. Then she stops and turns again.
 
SAFFRON (cont'd)
This was all your fault, you know. I
had the perfect crime lined up.
 
MAL
Sure. You were going to steal a man's beard.
 
SAFFRON
No you ! [HOE-tze duh
PEE-goo!] A million-square job. The
big time. I was going to cut Monty
and his crew in, but you screwed that
royal.
 
MAL
(raises gun again)
Odd, but I don't think I'll be losing
any sleep over it.
 
SAFFRON
I've got the layout, entrance codes,
believe me, this practically
robs itself.
 
MAL
Bye-bye now.
 
SAFFRON
I'm handing you a fortune on a gold
platter, sweetheart! Don't you even
want to hear the details?
 
Mal considers that for a beat, then looks at the kerchief, BLOODIED from his nose. He raises the gun again.
 
Serenity lands.
 
4 INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY - NIGHT
 
JAYNE walks up to the cargo bay door. Behind him, BOOK, SIMON, KAYLEE, and ZOE stand at the ready
 
The airlock opens, and the ramp beyond it starts to lower.
 
The lowering ramp reveals Mal, standing in front of the pile of crates, alone. He doesn't look too happy. He has a wadded up TWIST OF TORN KERCHIEF in each nostril, to stem the blood.
 
JAYNE (cont'd)
Whoa, cap... Don't tell me you
got into a fight with Monty.
 
KAYLEE
Oh, really? But I thought we loved Monty!
(to Zoe, sincere
question)
We love Monty, don't we?
 
ZOE
Sweetie, he had a tussle with that
sasquatch, we'd all be in the dirt right
about now, scoopin' up the Captain's
teeth.
 
Mal stomps up the ramp, holding them all in an even glare.
 
ZOE (cont'd)
Ain't that so, sir?
 
MAL
You know what? I don't particular
want to talk about it. We got
work to do. Let's shut up and do it.
 
Zoe looks from the Captain to the others, then back, eyebrows raised. WASH comes down the cargo bay stairs closest to the bridge, stops by Mal.
 
WASH
Inara was asking for you. Wanted to --
 
Mal walks away.
 
WASH (cont'd)
So later with the talking then.
 
Wash walks down toward camera, mouthing words to Zoe and Book, who carry one of the crates up the ramp.
 
WASH (cont'd)
(mouthed silently)
'What happened?'
 
5 EXT. SPACE
 
Just a stock shot of Serenity for transition please.
 
6 INT. SERENITY - INARA'S SHUTTLE
 
Mal enters INARA's chamber --
 
MAL
Hear you're looking for me?
 
-- to find her seated, preparing tea. Her whole attitude is formal, yet inviting...
 
INARA
I was. Care to sit?
 
He does, slowly.
 
INARA (cont'd)
I was hoping we could talk a little
business. Would you like some tea?
 
He stands again, less slowly.
 
MAL
Okay, what's your game?
 
INARA
I offered you tea.
 
MAL
Uh-huh. After inviting me into your shuttle
of your own free will, which makes
two events without precedent,
which makes me more'n a little
skittish.
 
INARA
Honestly, Mal, if we can't be
civilized and talk like-
 
MAL
I'm plenty civilized. You're using
wiles on me.
 
INARA
I'm using what?
 
MAL
Your feminine wiles. Your Companion
training, or some might say uncanny
ability to make a man sweaty and/or
compliant, of which I've had just
about enough of today.
 
INARA
Maybe this isn't the best time.
 
MAL
No, no. This is a fine time. You just talk plainly,
is all.
 
INARA
I'm not sleeping with you, Mal.
 
Beat.
 
MAL
Uh, no, I think I would have noticed.
I think my keenly trained
senses would have...
 
INARA
You're not my lover. Neither are you
my mother, my House Mistress nor
anyone who has the slightest say in
how I conduct my affairs.
 
MAL
Well enough. So?
 
INARA
So let me conduct my affairs!
 
MAL
Who's keeping you from conduct--
 
INARA
I haven't had a client for three
weeks. Backwater moons, slums,
frontier planets without so much as
a temple built --
 
MAL
We go where the work is!
 
INARA
There's all kinds of work, Mal
 
MAL
And ours is the kind that gets you
shut down by the Alliance. I opt to stay
off the radar.
 
INARA
There are plenty of worlds where both
of us could work. We used to visit
them, remember?
 
MAL
[EE-chee shung-hoo-shee.] Are you saying I'm
doing this deliberate on account of
you? That there's some reason I, I
want you off the job?
 
INARA
Is there?
 
MAL
(laughs incredulously)
This is one of the crazier
things I've heard today and when I
tell you about the rest of my day,
you'll appreciate just --
 
INARA
I'm not accusing you of
anything, Mal, it's just --
 
MAL
Hey, no, let's set a course for the Planet
of the Lonely Rich yet Appropriately
Hygienic Man. I'll tell Wash.
We can park there for a month.
 
INARA
(rises as well)
Not all of your work is illegal, Mal. And
the best --
 
MAL
You want to keep me off the
job now?
 
INARA
-- the best job you ever pulled
was on a central planet!
 
MAL
How about I stay out of your whoring --
 
INARA
Well, that didn't take long --
 
They're right in each other's faces now, goin' at it.
 
MAL
You keep out of my thieving. I
know my job very well, thank
you very much.
 
INARA
Right. You're a criminal mastermind.
What was the last cargo we snuck past
the Alliance to transport?
 
MAL
That was perfect --
 
INARA
What was the cargo?
 
MAL
They were dolls!
 
INARA
They were little geisha dolls with
big heads that wobbled!
 
MAL
Hey! People love those!
 
INARA
And what exactly was our net profit
on the famous wobbly-headed doll
caper?
 
MAL
"Our" cut? So you're in the gang now?
 
INARA
Well, since I can't seem to find work
as companion, I might as well become
a petty thief like you!
 
Beat. Oops. The air goes out of both of them.
 
MAL
Petty.
 
INARA
(backtracking)
I didn't mean petty.
 
MAL
What did you mean?
 
INARA
(meekly)
[Suo-SHEE?]
 
MAL
That's Chinese for petty.
 
INARA
No, that's a narrow... there are
nuances of meaning that...
 
MAL
Maybe you shoulda stuck with your
wiles.
 
INARA
Don't put all of this on me, Mal. You
know you haven't been after serious
work in a -
 
MAL
Serious work? You wanna know wha--,
if, I --
 
He stops himself.
 
INARA
What?
 
MAL
Nothing.
 
7 INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY - SOON AFTER
 
Mal goes to the crates, finds one that has TWO BULLET HOLES in its lid. He pries it open, pulls the lid away to reveal Saffron.
 
MAL
All right. Tell me more about this
job a' yours.
 
Frowning with discomfort, wedged kinda sexily into a shipment of PROTEIN PACKETS, sits Our Mrs. Reynolds...
 
  CUT TO BLACK:
 
END OF ACT ONE
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Act Two
 
8 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA
 
Jayne, Zoe, Wash and Kaylee are all gathered at the dining room table. Presently they're staring a bit open-mouthed at -- MAL AND SAFFRON standing variously before them as Saffron makes her pitch.
 
SAFFRON
The mark's name is Durran Haymer.
He may be one of the biggest collectors
of Earth-That-Was artifacts in the
'verse. Guy's got warehouses full of
stuff. But his prize piece is
sitting in his parlor -- an antiquity
of unspeakable value: The Lassiter.
The original hand-held laser pistol.
One of only two known to still exist.
The forerunner of all modern laser
technology. Haymer got lucky, picked
it up during the war for nothing.
 
MAL
But it wasn't just luck.
(then)
Tell them.
 
SAFFRON
Haymer's Alliance. Bio-weapons
expert during the war. He'd target
neighborhoods with valuables, wipe
out every living soul without ever
damaging the goods. Go in, take
whatever he wanted.
 
MAL
Now he's living fat on a private estate
on Bellerophon.
 
Saffron holds up some future computer disks.
 
SAFFRON
I've managed to get ahold of his
schedule for the next 18 months --
a layout of the estate grounds...
and every security code for the
place.
 
She places the disks on the table. No one moves to touch them.
 
MAL
Saffron has a notion we can
walk right in there, take The Lassiter right off
his shelf.
 
More with the staring. Finally Wash speaks.
 
WASH
I'm confused...
 
SAFFRON
(ahead of him)
You're asking yourself if I've got
the security codes, why don't I
go in, grab it for myself?
 
WASH
No. Actually... I was wondering...
(to Mal, suddenly)
What's she doing on this ship!?
Didn't she try to kill us?
 
SAFFRON
(rolls her eyes)
Please. Nobody died last time.
 
WASH
We're in space. How'd she get here?
 
MAL
She hitched.
 
WASH
I don't recall pulling over...
 
MAL
Look. Point is, this ain't no
wobbly-headed doll caper. This
here's history.
 
Jayne's been thinking very hard. Raises his hand
 
JAYNE
Okay. I got a question. If she's
got the security codes, why don't she
just walk in and grab it herself?
 
A beat as they stare. Then:
 
SAFFRON
Good point. Getting through the door
and putting our hands on the Lassiter
it's easy. Getting out with it...
that's the tricky part.
 
MAL
It's tagged and coded. Second it
passes through the door -- alarms,
security, feds.
 
SAFFRON
This isn't a one-woman operation. To
do this right, I'm going to need...
 
INARA (O.S)
Idiots.
 
They turn. Inara has entered the room.
 
SAFFRON
Partners.
 
INARA
Dupes. That's what you'll all be
if you trust her.
 
MAL
Could be that's so. Lord knows ain't
none of us here "criminal masterminds."
So if you got something better,
Inara -- something not "petty" --
well we'd sure be willing to hear it.
 
A beat as Inara and Mal hold the look between them. Saffron doesn't hate the tension that's evident here. Finally:
 
INARA
(turns and goes)
[Nee mun DOH
shr sagwa.]
 
MAL
(looks back to gang)
So. The question remains -- how
do we get the artifact out without
setting off the alarms?
 
KAYLEE
(reaches for the disk)
This the layout?
 
SAFFRON
Full blueprints of the entire
grounds.
 
KAYLEE
Could be we look hard enough, we'll find
a way.
 
Mal smiles, that's what he likes to hear.
 
MAL
You dig into that, little Kaylee.
(looks to Zoe)
Zoe? You ain't said a word. Time to
weigh in.
 
ZOE
Take sounds ripe enough.
Assuming we can fence it.
 
SAFFRON
I know a guy on Persephone.
Already has half dozen buyers on
the bid.
 
ZOE
But Inara ain't wrong --
(eyes on Saffron; stands)
-- she can't be trusted.
 
MAL
I ain't asking you to trust her.
I'll be with her on the inside the
whole time.
 
SAFFRON
See there? All you gotta
do to be a rich woman,
hon, is get over it.
 
ZOE
Mmmm. Okay.
 
POW -- Zoe hauls off and slugs Saffron in the mouth. She goes down on her tush. Everyone's a little astonished.
 
ZOE (cont'd)
(to Mal)
I'm in.
 
Off nobody offering to help Saffron up --
 
9 INT. SIMON'S ROOM - DAY
 
Jayne is dumping off a bunch of food and water packets, talking to Simon and River.
 
JAYNE
Captain says you're to stay put.
Doesn't want you to run afoul of his
blushin' psychotic bride. She
figures out who you are, she'll turn
you in 'fore you can... say... "don't
turn me in, lady".
 
SIMON
This bounty on us just keeps getting
more exciting.
 
JAYNE
(busying himself)
Well, I wouldn't know.
 
RIVER
(looking at Jayne)
She's a liar.
 
JAYNE
That don't exactly set her apart from
the rest of us. The plunder
sounds fun enough.
 
RIVER
She's a liar and no good will come of
her.
 
JAYNE
Well, as a rule, I say girlfolk
ain't to be trusted.
 
RIVER
Jayne is a girl's name.
 
JAYNE
Well, Jayne ain't a girl.
(to Simon)
She starts in on that "girl's name"
thing, I show her good an' all I
got man parts.
 
SIMON
I'm trying to think of a way for you
to be cruder. I just -- it's not coming.
 
JAYNE
I WAS gonna leave you a deck of
cards...
 
He goes, shutting the door behind him.
 
SIMON
Great. Another exciting adventure in
sitting.
 
RIVER
Afraid.
 
SIMON
We'll be okay. Why the captain is
trusting that [BOO hway-HUN duh PUO-foo]--
 
RIVER
Not her. Jayne.
 
SIMON
(amused)
Afraid? Since when?
 
RIVER
Since Ariel.
 
Simon is no longer amused.
 
RIVER (cont'd)
Afraid we'll know.
 
10 INT. SERENITY - CARGO BAY - CATWALKS
 
Zoe is headed up the catwalks from the cargo bay, Inara comes down the stairs leading from the bridge, heading to her shuttle.
 
ZOE
We should be on Bellerophon by oh-
six. I figure the job should take --
 
INARA
Please. I really don't wanna know.
 
ZOE
Least it's your kind of world.
Got appointments made?
 
INARA
Minute we hit atmo, I'm gone.
I booked a few choice clients,
should help me get my mind off Mal's
descent into lunacy -
 
Zoe starts to leave.
 
INARA
Zoe. Don't let Mal trust her. Everything
Saffron is, is a lie. She'll get the
drop on him - which as far as I'm
concerned is what he richly deserves.
 
ZOE
I ain't sayin' it ain't risky. Don't
count Mal out, though. He just knows
the estate is -
 
Inara holds up her hands.
 
INARA
No details. I meant that. Just
be careful.
 
ZOE
See you when we're wealthy...
 
They split up, Zoe heading up toward the bridge, Inara going into her shuttle
 
ANGLE: SAFFRON - has been eavesdropping from above, near the second shuttle. Mal steps out-
 
MAL
Hey! You give me a hand in here. No
wandering about, remember? Or I'll
stick you back in your crate.
 
11 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA
 
Mal, Zoe, Jayne, Wash, Kaylee and Saffron are gathered around the table. Kaylee has the portable display (seen in "Ariel") with the estate schematics. It gets passed around as she and Wash speak:
 
WASH
Bellerophon Estates... Home to the
rich and paranoid... gracious
living... ocean views...
 
11 EXT. BELLEROPHON - DAY
 
Ocean as far as the eye can see. Floating about the blue expanse are enormous manors -- estates hovering a mile above the water, complete with greenery, landscaping, etc.
 
WASH (V.O.)
... and state-of-the-art security,
including local patrols, and multi-
code-keys needed at all entrances and
exits...
 
A13 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA - CONTINUOUS
 
SAFFRON
Which we have --
 
WASH
Right. You and Mal will split off in
Shuttle II as we make our approach...
 
B13 EXT. BELLEROPHON - DAY
 
SERENITY zooms into the shot. Shuttle II splits off from Serenity, veering slightly up. CAMERA STAYS WITH SHUTTLE II as it approaches the floating estate, other flying vehicles coming and going.
 
WASH (V.O.)
There's a landing port just south of
the main house.
 
13 INT. SHUTTLE II - DAY
 
Mal at the helm.
 
MAL
Prepped for landing. You ready?
 
Saffron appears from the back, two ENORMOUS FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS in her arms.
 
SAFFRON
Ready.
 
14 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
The well manicured grounds. SHUTTLE II lands in the distance. CAMERA PANS to find various DOMESTICS bustling about who carry covered trays, carts loaded with fine China, a BARTENDER setting up an outdoor bar, etc.
 
WASH (V.O.)
Haymer's throwing a big party this
weekend, so you should have no
trouble blending in with the hired help
who'll be there setting up.
 
CAMERA FINDS Mal and Saffron carrying the flower arrangements, now moving through all of this.
 
WASH (cont'd; V.O.)
All you gotta do is get through the
back door.
 
15 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
 
Mal and Saffron arrive at the back door. Saffron pulls out a punch-pad and small round "enabler." Attaches the small cylinder to the door, taps in her code, the cylinder LIGHTS --
 
MAL (V.O.)
That shouldn't be a problem, unless
someone has been less than truthful --
 
The DOOR CLICKS open, Saffron looks to Mal, smiles...
 
16 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA
 
Saffron's looking to Mal, here, too.
 
KAYLEE
The parlor with The Lassiter's on the
ninth floor. You'll have to disable
the display. Won't be any trouble.
'Course, once you get the goods in your hands,
you can't take it out the
front door, nor the back door, nor
any door. Every piece of pretty is
tagged for the scanners.
 
SAFFRON
So what do we do?
 
KAYLEE
(to Wash)
You wanna tell them?
 
WASH
(waves it to her)
It was your genius idea.
 
KAYLEE
(proud)
You chuck it in the garbage.
 
19 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDORS - DAY
 
Mal and Saffron exit further into the estate. WE STAY WITH the Housekeeper who moves to a chute opening. She dumps the bag down, then moves to a panel on the opposite wall.
 
KAYLEE (V.O.)
All the estates on Bellerophon
use this automated garbage drone system.
You hit one little button, and the
drone whooshes off with the trash.
 
The Housekeeper touches the panel. Words appear ONSCREEN: "READY FOR DISPOSAL. YES. NO." She touches "yes."
 
20 EXT. UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
Underneath the floating estate, a futuristic dumpster (lined with computer panels) is latched onto the body of the estate. We hear the low THUD of the bag landing inside.
 
A flying GARBAGE DRONE GLIDES INTO FRAME, flies towards the dumpster, and its forklift-like claws clamp onto the dumpster with a loud METALLIC KLANG
 
The dumpster shudders with the impact, then detaches from the structure and the drone whisks it away. Another dumpster drops into place where the other one was.
 
A20 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA - CONTINUOUS
 
SAFFRON
(not really)
Brilliant.
 
KAYLEE
Thanks.
 
SAFFRON
Except it's idiotic. The
drones take the disposal bins
straight to reclamation. Thirty
seconds after we hit the button, the
booty'll be incinerated.
 
KAYLEE
Not if we reprogram the bin. Give it
new coordinates.
Once I override the standard guidance
protocol, I can tell that disposal bin
to go wherever we want.
 
21 INT. SERENITY - DINING AREA
 
SAFFRON
And where would that be?
 
WASH
The loneliest piece of desert we can
find. Here. Isis Canyon. The drone
dumps the bin, we claim the goods
when we're all together again.
 
SAFFRON
And how do you plan to get to the bin
to reprogram it?
 
KAYLEE
You get to the loot, and we'll get to
the bin.
 
24 EXT. SERENITY/UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
WIDE - CGI. Serenity RISES INTO FRAME, hovering steadily a few feet below the dumpster. Bright sunlight and wind whipping up here.
 
CLOSER -- THE HATCH opens and Jayne emerges. He's wearing goggles, his thrilling heroics hat and a harness with cable (which dangles at the moment.)
 
Wash and Zoe are on the bridge as Wash delicately keeps Serenity in place.
 
Jayne pulls himself out of the hatch and crawls carefully up the hull and attaches the safety latch of his cable to a rung on the ship.
 
Now from the hatch Kaylee emerges, also wearing goggles and protection from the wind and cold. She hands up the end of her safety harness to Jayne. He clips it. She hands him out a tool kit. He takes it, then helps her up onto the top of the ship. She crawls toward him on her belly. They're under the bin, now.
 
He makes her lie flat, one arm over her protecting her as he pulls out his com, speaks into it, telling over the ROARING WIND --
 
JAYNE (O.S.)
All right! We're planted!
 
25 INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY
 
JAYNE (V.O., FILTERED)
Take her up --
 
Wash white knuckling it. Zoe at his shoulder. He pulls back on the controls as...
 
26 EXT. SERENITY/UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
Jayne and Kaylee still lying flat. Serenity rises up. Jayne and Kaylee look up as the bottom of the estate looms closer.
 
JAYNE (into com)
That's good! That's good! Hold 'er steady.
Hold 'er there.
 
Kaylee, still face down, pops open her mobile tool kit, hands an electric (space age?) screwdriver to Jayne. Jayne gets to his feet with great care -- reaches up to the control panel side of the trash bin. It's all very precarious now as he sets to work on the panel, removing the face of it....
 
28 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDOR - DAY
 
Mal sneaks down a corridor, Saffron standing watch at the other end of the hall. She's keeping an eye on Mal -- specifically, on his ass. Mal turns to her --
 
MAL
Clear.
 
She trots down to him, looks at a Palm-like device which displays the house's blueprints.
 
MAL (cont'd)
Which way?
 
SAFFRON
Right.
 
They continue on.
 
29 EXT. UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
Wash and Zoe still on station.
 
Jayne pulls off the front panel of the control mechanism, sets about removing the innards, hands the motherboard down to Kaylee, who begins to work on it.
 
30 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDOR - DAY
 
Mal and Saffron move down another corridor -- one that opens into a larger room. Saffron peeks at her Palm as Mal peers into the room, addresses him in a whisper --
 
SAFFRON
This should be it.
 
Mal holds up a finger. The sound of VOICES in the other room slowly drifts away. Then he nods and they walk into --
 
31 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
 
The ENTER into a room that defines opulence. Beautiful furnishings, expensive art on the walls. Memorabilia of Earth-That-Was fills the room. This room alone cost millions to decorate
 
MAL
[Shun-SHENG
duh gao-WAHN]
 
And on the mantel, in the proper place of honor: a Buck Rogers lookin' Laser Gun. It is to phasers what those huge old clunky cell phones were to modern ones.
 
SAFFRON
Let's get to work...
 
MAL
Yeah.
 
32 EXT. SERENITY/ UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
Kaylee hands the jerry-rigged motherboard back to Jayne.
 
KAYLEE
Okay! She's set!
(yelling over the roar of
wind)
Careful! It's hot!
 
Jayne nods, starts to replace the innards. Serenity rises up a few inches, closing the distance between the bottom of the estate and Jayne's head.
 
JAYNE
(sharply into com)
Gorram it, Wash! Hold her steady!
 
33 INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE
 
Wash and more with the white knuckles.
 
WASH
Sorry...
 
Wash eases off...
 
34 EXT. SERENITY/UNDERNEATH THE FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
As Serenity dips ever so slightly, Jayne gets a bit more "head room." Continues to work. Kaylee reacts as she watches:
 
KAYLEE
Jayne! The dyna-ram's live!
 
He can't hear what she's saying over the ROAR. Glances at her, annoyed --
 
JAYNE
What?
 
KAYLEE
(worried)
The dyna-ram. Don't touch it --
 
ZAP! A BLUE BOLT of energy jumps out of the bin control innards zapping Jayne and knocking him out. He falls and lands hard on the top of Serenity and starts sliding, out like a light. Kaylee instinctively grasps for the tether as Jayne's body slides and rolls, the tether taught. This all happens very fast and off Kaylee's SCREAM!
 
KAYLEE
Whoa. Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Whoa!
 
35 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
 
Mal and Saffron set down their flower displays, move to it. Mal holds up a small aerosol-looking can, sprays and a FORCE FIELD becomes visible for a moment. Mal reaches into his flowers, pulls out a mini- tool kit.
 
Mal uses a space-aged allen wrench as he digs into an open panel under the Lassiter.
 
MAL
Where's the trash chute?
 
SAFFRON
We passed it in the vestibule
 
FOOTSTEPS...
 
SAFFRON (cont'd)
Wait! Shh! Someone's coming...
 
Mal quickly shuts the panel, moves away just as -- DURRAN HAYMER, the master of the house, enters the room, freezing both Mal and Saffron. He looks from one to the other, in shock.
 
DURRAN
(to Mal)
You...
 
Mal waits.
 
DURRAN (cont'd)
You found her...!
 
He takes Saffron in his arms.
 
DURRAN (cont'd)
You brought back my wife!
 
Off Mal, in jaded awe
 
  BLACK OUT.
 
END OF ACT TWO
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
ACT THREE
 
36 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
Durran holds Saffron close to him... His face is away from Mal's, hers toward Mal. She looks vexed, though she hugs him back.
 
DURRAN
Oh, my dear...
 
Mal mimes hitting the guy. Saffron shakes her head slightly, no.
 
DURRAN (cont'd)
Oh, my own sweet Yolanda...
 
Mal mouths 'Yolanda?', amused. Durran holds her at arms length.
 
A37 INT. SERENITY - FOREDECK HALL - BELOW HATCH, LOWERING
 
Zoe (who's wearing goggles and anti-wind-clothing) and Book struggle to lower the dead weight of an unconscious Jayne into the ship. Zoe is half up the ladder, using Jayne's tether to guide him down to Book. She wears a tether harness vest now.
 
Zoe unhitches his tether line and Jayne's full weight topples toward Book. He staggers back, pinned against the wall of the corridor by Jayne's bulk.
 
BOOK
(wheezes)
Lord -- this boy weighs a solid ton --
 
He lowers Jayne to the floor. Simon appears, having been summoned. Zoe hitches the tether line to her vest.
 
ZOE
Doctor, you got yourself a patient to
see to.
 
Simon nods, face clouded with subtle darkness.
 
SIMON
Yes. I'll take care of him.
 
Simon moves to assist Book. Zoe hauls herself up out of the hatch.
 
INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
 
DURRAN (cont'd)
I thought I'd never see you again.
 
He's fighting welling emotion. To Mal:
 
DURRAN
Forgive me... I don't mean to make a
show...
 
MAL
Please. I'm the one who's intruding.
 
DURRAN
Not at all. I owe you a great debt
of thanks.
 
MAL
Just gave the lady a lift.
 
DURRAN
No. You've done much more than that. You've
returned to me the only thing I truly
treasure.
 
MAL
Well, then, this is a day I'll feel
good to be me.
 
DURRAN
Do I owe you any --
 
MAL
No, ah. Trip weren't even out of our way.
 
SAFFRON
I promised him 800 square.
 
MAL
No, but we never agreed and --
 
DURRAN
Please. I'd be embarrassed not to
make some recompense... In my study,
I... Are you hungry? You both look
so tired, there's food, or...
Yolanda, I'm babbling like a moon
brain...
 
SAFFRON
Hush. We'll both have plenty to say
by nightfall.
 
DURRAN
Six years...
 
SAFFRON
Is that all?
 
DURRAN
From the day they found your shuttle --
 
SAFFRON
They set on me at Parth, these awful
men...
 
MAL
That wasn't me. I didn't know
those men...
 
SAFFRON
They said they wanted ransom, but
they sold me to slavers...
 
MAL
Also unknown to me...
 
DURRAN
(ashamed)
When you left, I thought... Well, you
disappeared the same day as
Heinrich --
 
SAFFRON
Heinrich?
 
DURRAN
The security programmer. And he was
young, and I saw you two talking,
and I thought -- but after they found
his body...
 
MAL
They killed Heinrich? Ah! Guess he
wasn't useful anymore.
 
DURRAN
(to Saffron)
I never stopped looking.
 
SAFFRON
I knew you wouldn't
(tears and all)
That's the thought that kept me alive.
 
They kiss passionately. Mal looks around, at his nails, at the wall...
 
SAFFRON (cont'd)
(seductively)
We have so much time to make-up...
 
MAL
Well, that's my cue to skedaddle...
 
DURRAN
Let me get your money.
(to Saffron)
You won't disappear again?
 
SAFFRON
Never.
 
He goes. A beat, as her loving look hardens.
 
SAFFRON (cont'd)
We gotta move fast.
 
As Mal returns to the dismantling of the force field with his sp-allen wrench...
 
MAL
Yeah, he might come back and hug us
in the act.
 
Mal continues his dismantling...
 
SAFFRON
You don't know him. He's everything I said he was.
 
MAL
Oh, yeah, he's a killer of men. Why I'll
bet he even eats up babies.
 
SAFFRON
You're wasting time.
 
He's actually being very efficient while continuing.
 
MAL
But let's take a breath here,
Yolanda. You're sneaking into a
place you could walk into as welcome
as glad news. What's the math on
that?
 
SAFFRON
The math on that is you not adding up that
Durran Haymer would as soon cut your
throat as he would --
 
MAL
-- You would?
 
SAFFRON
If possible.
 
MAL
Nope. That ain't it at all. You'da
knocked him on the brain, were that
the case. You don't want him to know
the truth. Unlike all the other -- I'm
gonna go with hundreds -- of men
you've married, you actually want
this one to think well of you when
you've gone.
 
A FLASH and WE SEE the FORCE FIELD appear then DISAPPEAR. Mal reaches in easily, grabs The Lassiter.
 
MAL (cont'd)
My god... Could it be I've actually
met your real husband?
 
She has backed up to her flower arrangement, whips out a small gun at him, furious.
 
SAFFRON
Congratulations. Anything else you
want on your tombstone, you piece of
crap?
 
DURRAN
Now I'm intruding.
 
She puts the gun down, genuinely upset that Durran has busted her.
 
SAFFRON
Durran... This isn't what it looks
like...
 
MAL
Unless it looks like we're stealing
your priceless Lassiter, 'cause that's
what we're doing. Don't ask me about
the gun, though, 'cause that's new.
 
DURRAN
Well. I appreciate your honesty.
Not, you know, a lot, but --
 
SAFFRON
Durran, you don't know what he's
forced me to --
 
DURRAN
Stop. Yolanda, please just stop.
 
There is a terrible sadness in his voice. And a frantic misery in hers:
 
SAFFRON
Don't look at me like
that.
 
As he says this, Mal has elegantly moved past Durran, dropped the Lassiter into the trash cute just outside the door, hit the button.
 
A beat. She whips the gun at Durran.
 
SAFFRON (cont'd)
I said don't look at me like that!
 
She might just shoot him as we GO TO:
 
39 EXT. UNDERSIDE OF FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
Kaylee teeters on precarious tippy-toe, straining to plug a piece of HARDWARE into the top part of the control panel on the dumpster. Zoe steadies her, heels dug in, one hand gripping Kaylee's tether.
 
KAYLEE
Almost done. I just got to plug
the interface strike-plate
in and...
 
There's a CLACKING of machinery from the dumpster, and a BEACON LIGHT begins flashing.
 
ZOE
That's a pick-up call -- How we doing?
 
Kaylee strains but can't quite reach.
 
KAYLEE
(growls)
I can't reach it --
 
Zoe speaks into her com.
 
ZOE
Wash -- we need more
altitude -- now --
 
INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY
 
WASH
Working on it, dear --
 
EXT. UNDERSIDE OF FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
ZOE'S POV - of A GARBAGE DRONE in the distance, taking a hard turn towards them, like a shark nosing toward its prey.
 
ZOE
Kaylee...
 
Kaylee fumbles with the plate as Serenity lurches up another foot or two.
 
ZOE (cont'd)
KayleeKayleeKaylee --
KayleeKayleeKaylee...
 
Kaylee snaps the strike-plate into place.
 
KAYLEE
Okay, got it!
 
Zoe pulls hard on Kaylee's tether --
 
GARBAGE BIN
 
...as Kaylee is yanked hard down OUT OF FRAME, just as the drone SLAMS into place, right where Kaylee had been a micro-second before. It attaches to the dumpster with a DEAFENING BONG.
 
GO TO:
 
42 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
 
Mal inching his way around from the door; Saffron staring down Durran, gun pointed at him...
 
MAL
Let's not get all worked up
here --
 
SAFFRON
Are you really so naive? Do you
think your life is anything to
me?
 
Mal is next to his flower arrangement -- whip quick he pulls his own gun from it, is drawn and pointed at her in a heartbeat.
 
MAL
All right. No one's killing any folk today,
on account of we got a very tight
schedule. Yo-Saf-Bridge-- we'll get
on about our --
(suddenly as fierce
as a cop)
DROP IT, NOW!
 
He comes at her as he shouts it, his whole attitude wrought with controlled fury, putting the gun to her head. She drops hers to the floor, knowing he means business, but never takes her eyes off Durran. They play everything to each other, even when talking to Mal. (Mal retrieves her gun, pockets it.)
 
SAFFRON
Did you think I was a princess? That
I would stay locked up here in the
tower? With you?
 
DURRAN
I hoped.
 
SAFFRON
You're a rutting fool.
 
40 INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY
 
Wash pilots hard as Zoe's voice crackles in over the com.
 
ZOE (O.S.)
We're in! Go! Go!
 
WASH
Copy that--
 
Wash pulls back on his controls.
 
41 EXT. UNDERSIDE OF FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
Serenity drops away from the underbelly, peeling into a dive and sailing off, as the drone detaches the dumpster and flies off in the opposite direction.
 
INT. FLOATING ESTATE - PARLOR - DAY
 
MAL
Saffron, you wanna finish the damn
job here, 'cause we're short on minutes.
I'm sorry, mister --
 
DURRAN
How long have you been with him?
 
MAL
Oh, we are not together.
 
SAFFRON
He's my husband.
 
MAL
Well, who in the damn galaxy ain't?
 
She starts working.
 
DURRAN
I feel so bad for you.
 
SAFFRON
(laughs)
Bad for me? I'm not the patsy
being stole from. If you had half a
brain you'da called the Feds the
minute you saw me.
 
DURRAN
Oh, I did.
 
They stop. He points to his ring. It's modern, with a stone like a button. That is a button.
 
DURRAN (cont'd)
Emergency signal. For kidnappings
and the like. I love you, Yolanda,
but I couldn't think for a second that you
actually came here for me.
 
The sound of approaching cops, etc.
 
DURRAN (cont'd)
That would be them now.
 
A beat, as Mal and Saffron fume.
 
SAFFRON
Men.
 
43 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE GROUNDS - CONTINUING
 
As a trio of POLICE CRUISER-SHIPS descend on the estate, sirens blaring, lights flashing.
 
 
END OF ACT THREE
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
ACT FOUR
 
44 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
We hear the SIRENS and POLICE ANNOUNCING their arrival. Saffron sidles desperately up to Durran...
 
SAFFRON
Durran, peaches, just call them off.
Tell them it was a mistake.
 
DURRAN
You need help, Yolanda.
 
SAFFRON
I'll do anything you want me to... you know
how I can make you feel...
 
DURRAN
Please. You're embarrassing yourself.
 
She punches him into unconsciousness.
 
SAFFRON
I'm embarrassing? Who's the dupe on
the floor?
 
MAL
I hate to bring up our imminent
arrest during your crazy time, but we
gotta go.
 
He grabs her arm, and they take off.
 
A45 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - GROUNDS - DAY
 
COPS (armed with those SONIC RIFLES we saw in Ariel) at the doors, speaking into a COM.
 
POLICE SERGEANT
This is police. Responding to an emergency
code call. Request entry, all
points.
 
A BEAT, then the doors BUZZ as the locks give. The cops race inside...
 
45 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - CORRIDOR - DAY
 
Mal and Saffron hoofing it out of here. A COP comes around the corner, heading right at them. The cop is more surprised than they are -- Mal takes him down with a few well- placed moves. Saffron reacts as --
 
TWO MORE COPS -- appear coming the other way. One of them is raising his SONIC RIFLE.
 
SAFFRON
[Wahg-ba
DAN duh biao-tze.]
 
Mal drags her along, over the fallen cop. They round the corner just as BOOM! From the Sonic Rifle.
 
46 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
 
They bolt down the glass corridor, the way they came in. Cops appear, coming after them. They push through the door, end up --
 
A47 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
 
Saffron beelines for the security panel, hooks her device onto it, starts working. Mal braces himself against the door.
 
MAL
What are you doing?
 
Mal backs away from the door just as her enabler BEEPS.
 
B47 INT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
 
A cop reaches for the door -- but it pulls AWAY FROM him. We hear a KA-CHUNK as the door locks.
 
C47 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - BACK ENTRANCE - DAY
 
Saffron runs off. Mal regards the door and the POUNDING from the trapped cops for a tiny beat.
 
MAL
(impressed)
Good security.
 
TWO MORE COPS, armed with sonic rifles, coming at them.
 
POLICE
Show some identification.
 
Saffron is already spinning and kicking at the first one. Mal takes on the second one, hand-to-fist-to-face.
 
Mal lays out the cop he's fighting. Then reaches down and grabs the fallen sonic rifle. Spins on Saffron and the cop she's still engaged with:
 
MAL (cont'd)
Move!
 
She dives out of the way as Mal fires a SONIC BLAST. Second cop is down for the count. Mal tosses the sonic rifle aside. Saffron goes to grab it. Mal grabs her, yanks her from it.
 
MAL (cont'd)
Nope. Let's go.
 
And they do.
 
E47 EXT. FLOATING ESTATE - DAY
 
Shuttle II flys away, unpursued.
 
47 INT. SHUTTLE II - DAY
 
Mal pushes buttons, engages autopilot and heads to the back as he straps on his holster, back to normal.
 
Saffron sits on a crate, facing away from him, sullenly ignoring the welling in her eyes.
 
MAL
Had to be tough.
 
SAFFRON
Yeah, have yourself a great guffaw.
 
MAL
I mean it. Six years, knowing he
was holding such treasures, and you
didn't move on him. I gotta figure
that's a job you told yourself you'd
never take. Till times got hard
enough, and the one line you hadn't
crossed...
 
SAFFRON
(turning, fierce)
My name's not Yolanda.
 
MAL
Never entered my mind it was.
 
She looks away again. Her tone at first is worldly, bitter -- but there is clearly more underneath.
 
SAFFRON
I tried. I actually tried. I
thought, "This is a decent man. The
genuine article."
 
MAL
A working man, struggling to get by
with the barest necessities on his
private floating island...
 
SAFFRON
Yeah, he had money. I thought it
would help. I thought if I had
everything then I wouldn't want...
 
MAL
Heinrich the Security Programmer?
 
SAFFRON
You know, I'd forgotten his name.
 
MAL
Addressing the itch of curiousness,
you marry him too?
 
SAFFRON
No. I didn't kill him either.
 
MAL
No. Don't reckon there's many you killed.
No. Just put 'em in a position to die
easy.
 
SAFFRON
I should've killed Durran.
 
MAL
Right. The one guy who don't have
it coming. The man who knows you,
still loves you, treachery and all.
No, can't have him walking about.
 
She does start crying now, balled up, not making any move toward Mal.
 
SAFFRON
You must be loving this.
 
MAL
Little bit. I seen you without your
clothes on before. Never thought I'd
see you naked.
 
SAFFRON
Can people ever change?
 
MAL
Depends on the person. I'm guessing
the pain of this fades away, you'll
just go back to being what you are.
 
SAFFRON
(small voice)
What is that?
 
He sits next to her.
 
MAL
(not unkindly)
A brilliant, beautiful, evil double-
crossing snake. Cheer up, weepy:
you made yourself a boatload of
hard cash today. You can question
the meaning of life on a floaty
island of your own for a while.
 
SAFFRON
You won't tell anyone about me
breaking down?
 
MAL
I won't.
 
SAFFRON
Then I won't tell anyone how easily
I got your gun out of your holster.
 
He looks down.
 
MAL
I'll take that as a kindness.
 
Saffron stands, her gun pointed at Mal's belly.
 
SAFFRON
You just may be the most gullible
fool I ever marked. And that
makes you special.
 
MAL
(stands)
Well, you can riddle me with holes,
Yolanda. But that won't make what I just saw
anything but truth.
 
SAFFRON
(almost convincing)
I played you. From minute one.
 
MAL
Well, you got me at barrel's end, who am I
to argue. What's your move?
 
SAFFRON
We'll be settling down in the desert.
Leave you to set a spell. Oh, and
speaking of naked...
 
MAL
No, now that's just low.
 
SAFFRON
Kinda evens things out, though, don't you
think? Pants.
 
She cocks the hammer, he starts undoing his trousers.
 
MAL
Now, I really don't see the benefit to
this. I mean, however I may slip, you're not
gonna catch my crew with their
trousers down.
 
48 INT. SERENITY - BRIDGE - DAY
 
Wash at the controls. Zoe and Kaylee enter.
 
Wash pulls on the ship controls. Frowns.
 
WASH
Can't turn.
 
ZOE
What?
 
WASH
Can't turn.
(still trying)
Not getting any tug from the aft
alternator --
 
KAYLEE
That don't make no sense...
(realizing)
Unless...
 
She turns and runs out, toward the --
 
49 INT. SERENITY - ENGINE ROOM
 
Kaylee goes right for the engine, Zoe and Wash following.
She only has to look for a second before knowing what's up --
 
KAYLEE
Yep.
whores in hell!> [Tah-shr SUO-yo DEE-
yure duh biao-tze duh MAH!] The
filament on the grav-dampener's
stripped.
 
WASH
Now, who could've possibly done that?
 
KAYLEE
I can fix it, but she must've put a
timer on the motivator and wetwired
the dampener --
 
ZOE
What does it mean, Kaylee?
 
KAYLEE
We ain't gonna make the rendezvous.
We have to land. Now.
 
Off their reactions, PRELAP --
 
  CUT TO:
 
A50 EXT. WASTELAND - DAY
 
MAL
No! No! You dirty, dirty whore...!
 
MAL's FACE staring up into the sky as CAMERA CRANES UP, the engines of the departing shuttle whipping wind and dust around Mal.
 
As CAMERA CONTINUE TO PULL BACK, we see that Mal is very much naked. And standing in the wasteland where we first saw him in the opening.
 
MAL (cont'd)
Yeah, you better run!
 
51 EXT. MOON - DAY
 
A different wasteland-y part of the moon. The disposal bin sits near Shuttle II, its lid open. From inside the bin, we hear --
 
Garbage comes flying out of the bin.
 
INSIDE THE BIN --
 
-- is Saffron, digging through the trash, rummaging through moldy fruit, eggshells, and assorted sticky, wet rubbish. Her hair is matted -- basically, she's covered in shit and doesn't look happy about it.
 
SAFFRON
God. Oh! Where is it...?
 
She keeps digging. Diggy, diggy, diggy -- then she stops, throws her hands up in defeat.
 
SAFFRON (cont'd)
Oh! It's not here.
 
INARA
Looking for this?
 
She looks up to see Inara perched on the wall of some nearby ruins, beautiful as always, in her veil and bare midriff ensemble. She points The Lassiter.
 
INARA
Wonder if it works?
 
Pulls the trigger. Nothing.
 
INARA (cont'd)
Oh-well. Still worth a fortune.
(as she raises a lugar)
Anyway, this works fine.
(then)
Honey, you look horrific.
 
SAFFRON
What are you doing here?
 
INARA
Oh. Just my part of the job.
 
SAFFRON
What part of the job?
 
INARA
(matter of fact)
You know, I put on the big act,
storm away in a huff, then I fly off,
wait for you to doublecross Mal, beat
you to the rendezvous spot and grab
the loot before you can get to it.
(beat)
What, you didn't see it coming?
 
Saffron makes a move; Inara points her lugar.
 
INARA (cont'd)
Uh-uh.
(beat)
You know, I'm a little disappointed.
Some of the crew's performances
weren't quite as nuanced as they
could have been. I thought they might
have tipped the fact that we were playing you
from the second Mal took you out of
that crate.
(beat)
Oh, well. Guess not.
 
As she's said this, she's set aside The Lassiter and picked up a small REMOTE CONTROL. She aims it at the bin, presses a button -- and the lid SLAMS SHUT on Saffron.
 
SAFFRON
No! You can't do this!
(SLAM! the lid shuts)
 
INARA
You're not going to die, you big
baby. The authorities will be here
in a few hours to dig you out.
 
SAFFRON
(inside the bin, muffled)
You can't do this! I have a condition.
 
52 INT. SERENITY - INFIRMARY
 
Jayne fuzzily comes to, looks around. Simon is quietly notating some things, his back to Jayne.
 
JAYNE
Wah Oh. What goin' on?
 
SIMON
(not looking around)
You got knocked out.
 
JAYNE
Dih we gedda payoff? Dih we get the
money?
 
SIMON
Can you move your arms and legs?
 
Jayne looks suddenly worried. Tries -- cannot move anything below his neck.
 
JAYNE
Huh? Dah nod movin'!
 
SIMON
Do you want to know why?
 
He turns to Jayne, eerie calm on his face.
 
SIMON (cont'd)
Your spine. You hit it pretty hard
when you fell.
 
JAYNE
(worried)
'pine?
 
SIMON
Yes. So I gave you something to
knock out your motor functions so you
wouldn't wrench it when you came to.
Should wear off in a half an hour.
You'll just be bruised.
 
JAYNE
Is 'pine okay?
 
SIMON
How much did they offer you to sell
out me and River on Ariel?
 
Jayne pauses. Now he's worried.
 
JAYNE
Das crazy talk.
 
SIMON
Then let's talk crazy. How much?
 
JAYNE
(looking beyond
Simon. calls out)
Anybody there?
 
River leans in from the doorway looks at him calmly. It's not comforting.
 
JAYNE (cont'd)
(Quieter)
Anybody else?
 
SIMON
You're in a dangerous line of work,
Jayne. Odds are, you'll be under my
knife again. Often. So I want you
to understand one thing very clearly.
No matter what you do, or say, or
plot... no matter how you come down
on us, I will never ever harm you.
You're on this table you're safe.
'Cause, I'm your medic, and however little we
may like or trust each other, we're
on the same crew.
(checks out Jayne's eyes with a small flashlight)
Got the same
troubles, same enemies and more than
enough of both. Now we could circle
each other and growl, sleep with
one eye open but that thought wearies me.
(gets a hypo and injects something into Jayne)
I don't care what you've done.
I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think
you should do the same, 'cause I don't
see this working any other way.
 
He exits. We hold wide on Jayne, thinking on what Simon has said, as River's head pops in the doorway at the other end of frame.
 
RIVER
Also, I can kill you with my brain.
 
She pops back out, leaving Jayne to contemplate even more.
 
53 EXT. WASTELAND - DAY
 
ON MAL, who sits naked on a sheared-off stump of stone. He lifts his head, and utters the now familiar:
 
MAL
Yeah... that went well.
 
REVERSE TO INCLUDE Inara, who has emerged from Serenity's open ramp and is now standing a few feet from Mal. The line is addressed to her.
 
INARA
You call this "going well"?
 
MAL
We got the loot, didn't we?
 
INARA
Yes, but --
 
MAL
Then I call it a win. What's the
problem?
 
He stands, starts casually walking back to Serenity with Inara, who does her best to not glance at his naughty bits.
 
INARA
Should I start with the part where
you're stranded in the middle of
nowhere, or the part where you have
no clothes?
 
MAL
All according to plan.
 
INARA
Really? I thought the plan was for
me to act as a failsafe in case
everything else went wrong. Like, for instance, if Saffron disabled
Serenity and left you for dead.
 
MAL
Nonsense. You had a key role to play
in this. How sad would you have been
if you hadn't gotten to play it?
 
INARA
Heartbroken.
 
MAL
See? All according to plan.
 
They reach Serenity, where Zoe, Wash and Kaylee await. As Mal moves up the ramp --
 
MAL (cont'd)
Wash, take us out of the world. Zoe,
contact Brennert and Ellison, see if
they'd be interested in fencing a
priceless artifact for us.
 
Zoe and Wash just stand there, staring at his nakedity. Yes, I said nakedity.
 
MAL (cont'd)
What?
 
Zoe and Wash mutter "nothing," "I'll get right to work," etc., as Kaylee smiles at Mal, not at all thrown.
 
KAYLEE
Good work, Cap'n
 
MAL
Thank you, Kaylee.
 
Kaylee goes off as Mal closes the ramp. As the ramp rises, Mal looks out at the wasteland with a certain fondness.
 
MAL (cont'd)
Good day.
 
The ramp shuts and we --
 
  BLACK OUT.
 
THE END
 

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