We
have all been there. When we were wee tykes, our parents insisted on
holding one of our hands as we crossed a street or entered a busy store
or faced some situation with potential negative consequences. As
parents or adults, we have firmly taken the tiny palm of one in our
charge lest the child place himself in danger or misbehave.
A
time comes, however, when a normal child with a healthily independent
mind asserts himself against such well-meaning restraint. Indeed, such
a child can grow quite annoyed and angry at a parent’s controlling
moves. Any son or daughter who plaintively, fearfully insisted on
clinging to a parent’s or guardian’s hand even as the child moved into
his or her teen years would be judged as suffering major psychological
problems. Such developmental retardation could only lead to a severely
damaged and limited future.
Perhaps
even worse would be an adult who rejected a child’s attempts at
separation. An adult who demanded an offspring hold onto the parent’s
hand despite advancing years might well be accused of child abuse. Even
actively encouraging or accommodating an aging child to remain welded
to the physical direction of his guardian would be an abrogation of
parental obligation, the moral obligation to “let go” at the proper
time so a child can individuate and become a fully functioning human
being, self-responsible, self-confident, and capable of self-guidance
through the myriad challenges of life.
Imagine
an adult insisting that a twenty-two-year-old person take his hand
before the latter would be allowed to enter a busy store or cross a
congested street. Imagine an adult just offering his hand and the post-teen gladly accepting
that extended hand, gripping it tightly, huddled next to the other
person as they moved forward together, cowering from the big, bad world
that dared intrude upon the cocoon of supposed “safety” implied by that
strong grip. The image is repugnant and disturbing: a crippled “adult”
incapable of exercising the self-control that attends that status.
Many
of us would recognize this metaphor in the actions of the State as it
directs us and forces us onto or away from the paths it determines are
“best” for us. “Helpless” citizens are forbidden from making basic
decisions affecting their lives. The State tells them “it’s for your
own good.” We might make a mistake. We might fail. We might suffer
physical or emotional or psychological pain. The State tells us
precisely what we can or cannot do. Every year it narrows the branches
of possibility open to us.
Worse, the vast majority — the vast
majority — of citizens accept this perverted relationship as the norm.
More than that, this relationship of overseer and servant is seen as
the only moral
model for proper societal organization. Simply to “abandon” citizens to
their own devices, their own decisions, their own debacles is viewed as
cruel and sick and heinous behavior. No decent human being could act —
or even advocate — such a course of action. Right?
There
are a number of reasons for these peculiarly twisted attitudes. For
instance, the State bribes people with their own money, then pretends
it is doing them a favor, counting on the gratitude of those it robs to
reinforce the dependent connection. The State also punishes those who
dare step out-of-line via a massive web of laws and/or regulations that
engulfs everyone and is virtually impossible to escape.
Perhaps most insidiously, the State captures the minds of its wards at the earliest of ages when they begin attending “public,” i.e.,
State-run schools. After thirteen (or more years, as the State expands
government-run “pre-schools”), young citizens have bathed in propaganda
favoring the State for almost their entire lives. Since nearly
ninety-person of colleges and universities are now State-own and -run —
an almost perfect reversal of the statistics from a century ago — the
brainwashing often continues for another four to eight years.
(So thoroughly pervasive and successful is that educational distortion field, that many people will deny that schools are “government-run”...despite the evidence of school board elections and educational tax increases and bonds and a federal Department of Education.)
The rot has sunken so deeply into the bones of our culture that even privately
owned colleges and universities often mirror the attitudes and policies
of the State, becoming, in the proud tradition of fascism, merely one
more appendage of the all-encompassing Hydra that seeks to crush the
independent spirit from its citizens.
I
recently had an eye-opening, firsthand encounter with this sickening
phenomenon. The “college” (and I use that term very loosely...) for
which I taught “advanced” (again: loosely speaking) composition shared
the name of one of the earliest and most influential statists among the
Founding Founders. While I worked there, it was subsumed/taken
over/purchased by a “university” (again: very loosely) whose name
begins with a letter three spaces down the list from that of the
“college” it replaced. This “university” is, in turn, owned by a large
newspaper with pronounced statist leanings that publishes in a major
U.S. capital city. From what I was told, the “university” is a major
source of profit for this organization.
Even
before my job interview, I was inundated by the kind of useless
paperwork one typically finds in entanglements with governmental
entities. That only grew worse after I was hired. My “training”
materials stacked up four inches or more in depth: a mind-numbing array
of pointless “rules” and CYAs that accomplished little to nothing. I
signed a blizzard of forms of equally dubious utility and clarity.
Bad
as these burdens were, the “college” (now “university”) deluged me with
emails and deadlines and announcements that clogged my computer. I was
“required” to attend a three-hour, stultifying and worthless “training
session” on “evaluation” techniques. Then, as a “condition of
employment” I had to complete an online “continuing education” segment
(with more to come every term) that echoed the time-consuming and
unnecessary courses State-employed teachers have to suffer through in
order to keep their teaching “licenses” (and fill the pockets of those
offering the courses). I nearly screamed in boredom and annoyance.
Though
it has been over twenty years since I began teaching at the collegiate
level, there was no skipping these asinine assignments primarily useful
— perhaps, maybe — to a first year instructor. I was not allowed to
choose my own textbooks, not even from an array of approved titles. I
was not allowed to set my own policies on attendance, late papers, or
classroom behavior.
The
initial course I taught met once a week, for three hours and forty-five
minutes. (I later was asked to teach another “class”...that had two students.
Ugh.) I was warned not to “let students leave” before the full time had
expired. I was not to allow eating or drinking (except for water) in
the classroom.
All
these penny-ante conditions were onerous enough. What eventually broke
the camel’s back, however, came in the form of a conversation with the
head of the “university” who indignantly informed me that I was
expected to “hold their hands.”
Now,
I’m all for assisting students who need help and are willing to take
the initiative to get that assistance. But this policy went way beyond
even going up to a bewildered student and asking if he wanted some
extra help. The head man — I’ll call him “Ralph” — said we should be
willing to “fill out their schedules” for the students; we were
supposed to call them after every
class they missed and find out why they failed to attend; we were
expected to keep track of and report the precise times of arrival if
they were tardy and if they left class early; we had to hand in
attendance sheets after every class; we were required to give them time
in class to “work” on the Internet and do their homework;
we were to say nothing if they decided to get up in the middle of class
and leave to go to the bathroom or get a snack or for whatever reason,
despite breaks given after every fifty minutes of class time.
All this, Ralph claimed, was treating the students as “adults.”
(Pause for incredulity.)
Yes, Ralph was a statist in miniature, and this “university” a microcosmic mirror of our statist society.
Now, I believe that treating college students as adults
means: telling them what needs to be done; telling them how to do it;
telling them the consequences of not doing what is required; answering
questions they bring up; and enforcing class policies that help
maintain a focused educational setting and that curtail behaviors
disrupting the instruction and learning of other students. After that
point, it is up to the individual to decide what he will or will not
do.
Real adults do not need — or want — their hands held.
Real adults do not need — or want — to be constantly hectored and harangued outside of class.
Real adults do not need — or want — someone constantly monitoring their behavior.
Real adults do not need — or want — to be insulted by presumptuous teachers or administrators dictating the minutiae of their lives.
Like
the State, Ralph defined terms without regard to reality. For example,
his definition of what constitutes “adult” behavior bears no
resemblance to what any sane and rational person would hold. His is the
view the State holds of its citizens: basically helpless waifs who
should be “allowed” to do whatever trivial things they want, like
untrained children jumping up to pee at the slightest twinge of their
bladders, as long as they submit to the “wise,” overall guidance of
their masters. (Of course, this guy also constantly conflated
“proprietary” with “for profit.” Go figure...)
Like the State, Ralph forbid his underlings, i.e., me, to set any reasonable standards for proper classroom behavior (e.g.,
not permitting students to come and go willy-nilly while I was
lecturing, a behavior I found rude and disruptive to the flow of ideas
I was presenting) while exempting himself from any such restrictions or rules, reserving the right to forbid specific behaviors he did not personally tolerate, e.g., “eating hamburgers” in class. Somehow, the former condition was not “treating them like adults” while the latter was consistent with his dictum.
Like
the State, Ralph told me that “perception is reality.” (Compare this to
politicos who maintain that “reality is negotiable.”) When various
students complained that I “refused” to help them (they never asked);
that I insulted them (they could not tell the difference between my
phrase “it is important not to commit grammatical errors” and what they
heard as “grammar school errors,” even though the latter had nothing to
do with the topic I was discussing); that they didn’t understand paper
requirements (they never read the assignment, never asked me to clarify
any points, rarely took notes, and spent most of the class time surfing
the Internet, a behavior I was not allowed to prohibit); Ralph
automatically believed the students. Just as with the currently stupid
and immoral laws regarding (nonphysical) sexual harassment and
discrimination, the self-proclaimed “victims” and their beliefs were
blindly held sacrosanct, while the “accused” was supposed to “prove”
his innocence. Everyone’s “perception” is “reality,” of course...except
the person who actually does perceive and state the reality of a situation.
Like
the State, Ralph was taken aback when I dared directly disagree with
the received-and-not-to-be-questioned wisdom. He held a blank stare of
astonishment when I told him that, yes, everyone had opinions, but not
all opinions were equally valuable, e.g.,
a white supremacist who “perceived” minorities as subhuman; or someone
who “perceived” that gasoline made a refreshing dinner beverage.
Reality didn’t care what their “perceptions” were; reality is what it
is.
Like
the State, Ralph was not happy when I did not immediately cower from
the mere fact of “charges” leveled by members of a “favored” group.
Like citizens trembling before the stern visage of the State, I was
supposed to be contrite and beg for another chance, plead for
forgiveness of my nonconforming behavior, accept that I was bad and in
need of rehabilitation despite my lack of actual wrongdoing. Nor did he
find it amusing when I told him that the “university’s” attendance
policies accomplished nothing; that despite the rhetoric of penalties
accruing from missed classes, students rarely if ever actually
experienced negative consequences for their absences. Telling the
emperor he has no clothes — whether the State or Ralph — is not
something he wants to hear.
Like
the State, Ralph made a lot of promises, pretended that I was a
valuable member of the “university,” asked me what I wanted to do, and
told the students I had a “lot to offer” and so on. Then the next day
he stabbed me in the back and asked me to resign from both of my
classes after I had already agreed to his requirements for providing
students time in class to work on their papers and letting them come
and go as they pleased.
At least I was spared three more nights of dealing with idiots.
To
be precise, I had one good student out of seventeen in my main class.
The rest... At best, one or two were marginally qualified to be college
students. The others deserved nothing more complicated than trade
school. Some of them had not even been able to make it in the local
community college...a place with no admission requirements for in-state students!
Consider some of their comments when the camel’s back broke and what I said or was thinking in response:
“You
marked my paper that I had the wrong spacing between my name and page
number! Why did you grade me down for that? Plus, you didn’t write
anything about what I did wrong!”
I
was supposed to teach APA style, so I indicated deviations. That,
though, hardly led to your “D” grade. I guess you were too stupid to
read the comments I made throughout your crappy paper, a paper that was
primarily a personal essay rather than a research paper.
“I didn’t understand how to do references! You never covered it!”
Well,
I handed out a sample paper that included examples of reference
citations in the body; demonstrated how to format a paper; and showed
how to do an APA reference page. I wrote examples on the board. I
provided a whole list of URLs for sites explaining APA requirements. I
asked the class how much I needed to cover APA issues and was told they
already knew how to use APA guidelines based on an earlier English
course they took.
“Why did you talk about astrology!”
I mentioned astronomy in an example, you frakking doofus.
“Why should I do an exercise if it’s not graded! It’s pointless!”
To
practice how to do what you will be graded on later, you nitwit. What?
You need external reinforcement like some infant or dog for every
single action you perform? You can’t provide any internal motive power?
You can’t do something simply because you might actually learn something new and expand your truncated mind?
“You
don’t have any points for attendance! Why should I come to class when
other people don’t show up at all or constantly leave early?”
I don’t compare you with other people to arrive at your grade. Plus, why worry about what other people are doing? Just do what you
need to do. Even if there are no points involved, those who are absence
will suffer because they will miss the information they need to do the
papers properly and to pass the final exam.
“I got a bad grade on my paper!”
Then why did you write on the wrong
topic, idiot? Why didn’t you hand in the major points as I asked you to
do so I could see that you were on track? What the hell are you doing
in a “university” class, anyway? You are barely literate.
“This isn’t the way my comp one teacher did it!”
This
isn’t a composition one class, stupid. And I ain’t your comp one
teacher. Get your head out of your heinie. I think that someone
pretending to be a college student should actually be held to college
level standards. Just because some other so-called teacher let you get
away with crap does not mean I should or will pander to your lazy-ass
self.
“You don’t understand what it’s like working and being a single mother and going to class. I bet you don’t even have any kids.”
It’s
not my fault you have a bastard child. You don’t get special breaks
because you made stupid decisions. I’m not the State: I’m here to
instruct, not to take care of you and carry the burden for your
mistakes. Also, I can understand the reality of a lot of situations I
have not actually experienced. I, at least, have a mind that I use. I don’t need to starve to know it’s a bad thing. Plus, you have no conception of what negative circumstances I have or have not dealt with in my many-decades-longer life. You have no
conception of what other students in this class have dealt or are
dealing with. (Indeed, my one good student later wrote an unsolicited
email explaining he had a “special needs” child, was a single parent,
worked full time, and took multiple classes in the evening; he said the
complainers should not be surprised by their bad grades given what they
did [not] do in class.) To paraphrase Dean Wormer in Animal House, being fat, stupid, and ugly is no way to go through life.
And so on...
The
statist/collectivist attitudes of these students are no surprise. That
they believe nothing is ever their fault; that others are always to
blame for the bad things that befall them; that they should, like
infants, be able to do whatever they want, whenever they want, wherever
they are; that the world owes them a living; that they are better than
they actually are; that they deserve special breaks, deserve to suffer
no negative consequences, deserve to be treated as “adults”; none of
this is unexpected given the atmosphere inculcated in this
“university,” in the society that immerses them, in the State that
“rules” them and cuddles them in its velvet covered claws.
Early
in the term, I had these students anonymously take an unlabeled version
of my “Freedom Quiz.” Forty-eight-percent of them earned a “Bronze”
rating. (“You fit right in with the vast majority of your fellow
citizens. While you may want the freedom to do what you
want, you think you have the right to force others to do what’s
right...according to your standards.”) Fifty-two-percent rated only a
“Tin” rating. (“You support our nascent fascistic police state in
nearly every avenue. Distrust of politicians makes no sense to you.
After all, the government is us.”)
As
I said earlier, statist, collectivistic putrefaction runs through the
marrow of our culture. Like a pernicious gas, these warped and
dangerous “ideals” infiltrate and pollute every hidden crevice of our
world. Over the past two decades, I have taught at two state
universities, two community colleges, and a private college, and never
— never
— have I experienced such widely spread imbecility, all the way from
top to bottom, as I did in this so-called “university.” This place
brings shame to the very concept of what a university is supposed to
be; the standards and expectations; the traditions and outcomes; the
values and culture that a university embodies, even in this
value-corrupt era.
Any
college instructor willing to “hold” the hands of his students as this
organization demands does not deserve the title. Any person treating an
adult as these people define “adult” is morally and intellectually
bankrupt. Any college student who willingly — indeed, eagerly — accepts
the kind of handholding normally reserved for toddlers and (very) small
children deserves the worthless “education” he receives there.
For those of us remaining who are truly
adults, we can take a stand for rationality and reality and refuse to
pimp ourselves in the name of an unholy alliance between the State and
its masochistic servants. Far too many people are begging for the
chance to sell their souls to their condescending and patronizing
masters.
I prefer to keep my dignity.
