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Ya never know when the truth shall set ya free...
There I was, amindin' my own bisness. The television was on, akeepin' me comp'ny, constant fr'end that it be. That's when it happened. One of them there "public service announcements" come on.
Now, I don't gen'relly pay them things -- them PSA's -- no never mind. I mean, they don't even sell nothin'. Just a preachin' and badgerin' at me and mine.
Well, this a here one had some really bad actin' and all. Ya see, it showed these men and wimmin, one after ta other, asittin' in their automobiles. They dinn't look none too happy, neither, iffen ya ask me. Complainin'. Sour looks on their faces. Holdin' up tickets they just gotten.
Ya shoulda heard what they had to say!
"Aint' ya got nothin' better to do than write me a ticket for this?"
"Seat belt? Gee. I forgot to do it. In a hurry."
"Why ain't ya out acatchin' robbers and sech?"
"I cain't believe you're given me this!"
Yappy, yappy, yap. Blah, blah, blah.
I tells ya. It's a sign of the moral deg-ra-da-tion of this oncet mighty nation ta hear the citizens carryin' on so.
They just don' unnerstand.
The highway patrolman -- Whoops! Parden my sexism. The highway patrolwoman, er, um, patrol person...? Well. Anyways. This female cop has her hat all atilted forward, alookin' mighty stern yet patient with these blatant scofflaws. She lowers her eyebrows all mean and serious, like, and lays it out to 'em straight and narrow.
She says, "We're asavin' lives. And ain't that's what it's all about?"
I blinked at the astoundin' wisdom aspewin' from the thin lips of this big hunk of authorityhood and assailin' my ear drums.
Wow. Savin' lives. So that's why they're atellin' us they is gonna be makin' a special effort to be stoppin' us this holiday on the road and handin' us over tickets that we gotta pay with our own hard-earned wages that'll then go to pay their salaries so they kin stop us and hand us these here tickets for not awearin' the seat belts that the car manufacturers put in our cars totally outa the goodness of their own hearts and with no thought to no laws amakin' them do that, all 'cause they and the gov'ner and legistaturs and the highway patrol...officers...and all them there good ol' boys and gals just like them surroundin' us whichever way we turns who wanna do what's right and good and nice and all for us, I mean, savin' my life, well, sure, I guess I didn't, must not of valued my life before but boy I sure do now that they's gonna remind me that they cares more for my life than I do 'cause I'm too stupid or ign'rant to decide for myself iffen I wanta put that there seat belt 'round my waist and my shoulders and I'd be dead if they weren't there alookin' out for my best int'rests and all.
Boy. Am I grateful to them.
That's when the ol' insp'ration struck me like a bolt of moonshine, er, lightnin'. Now it all makes sense. Here I was, confused and all for so long, tryin' and tryin' to figgur out why they's been doin' all this stuff to, er, for us for so long.
Ya know, before this, that there, whatta ya call it, that there "War on Drugs," didn't make no kinda sense to me, ya know? I mean, sure and all, some folks get a carried away with the stuff. I've heard tell of people OD'in' and havin' heart attacks and gettin' shot and robbin' and stealin' and messin' up their heads somethin' fierce. And then there's them sickies, them cancer-type patients, awastin' away in bed, not able to keep their meds down, askin' like the poor pathetic buggers that they are if they could maybe, just a teeny bit, suck down some of that marijuana smoke then they could keep down them pills of theirs, but, I mean, how can smoke be good for ya, right? Plus, there's some of me and mine who have done heroin and coke and weed and hash and speed and LSD and who knows what else and they ain't never got addictiated and have held down professional jobs and were good friends and spouses and parents and never hurt nobody or nothing.
And let's not forget about booze, right? And tobacco. Bad. For too long, I kidded myself that a beer now and agin might not be so terrible horrible.
Now I know better, though. That strong but kindly woman cop on TV set my head on straight and screwed it on down nice and tight. Yes, sirree.
Savin' lives.
That's what it's all about. We ord'nary folks, of course, are too blame blind to see what's as plain as them seat belt tickets before our eyes.
That's why they won't let us decide for ourselves what medicines to take. Gotta have a gov'ment issued and permitted physician give us the go-ahead of what we can buy and gulp down our retarded throats.
Savin' lives.
That's why in nearly all places, we cain't buy a handgun or a rifle or a shotgun without we first get permission from our better'n's, and in a bunch more cities and such, ya cain't not only not buy some firearm, ya cain't even own one or have one in your house and ya sure as hell cain't be carryin' the sucker wherever ya damned well please, makes no difference if ya live in a mighty rough part of town or in a penthouse on Manhattan. Ya might hurt yourself or a criminal tryin' to rob or rape ya or ya might hurt your kids, o' lordy, not ya kids, so the brethren and sistren of that there highway female cop gonna protect ya from your numbskulled ideas and keep such dangerous stuff outta your hands right from the git-go.
Savin' lives.
That's why us brainless, dimwitted low types should just shut up our doltish lips and pay attention when they tell us we shouldn't be doin' no protitutes or gamblin' or eatin' fat or junk foods or we're not exercisin' 'nough to keep all us intellectually deficient dopes from akillin' ourselves.
Them folks as was in that commercial, see, were just symbols for the rest of us dense morons who don't know betterin' a dull baby who might stick his little pinky in a electric socket.
Dummy! Wake up! You're such a foolish imbecile you didn't recognize the good the authorityhoods are aimin' to cram down your irresponsible, laughable gullet. Ya loser, ya! When ya have to pony up the dough to pay for your mindless thoughtlessness, your total disregard for your own friggin' naive, obtuse own life, ya should be athankin' that guy or gal with that there big ol' gun strapped to their hips, a gun like what you cain't carry around lest you hurt somebody with it, well, ya should get down on your grimey, thick-headed knees, to mix a metaphor, and kiss the grubby fingers that are ashovin' that ticket towards ya or slappin' on them shiny steel cuffs onto your wrists or haulin' your sick, sorry simpleminded, witless ass to jail.
The veil has been lifted from my wicked, evil eyes!
Those folks is adoin' you and me and everyone a favor. See, it's just like they says. It's all about one thing and one thing only and you can take that to the bank and put it in where the sun don' shine and know it's the gospel truth 'cause they said so and we ain't never got no reason to doubt their reasons for doin' this what they say they's doin' for us and it's solely and exclusively about:
Savin' lives.
