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A letter to the editor in the September 3, 2007, issue of TV Guide
came from an irate viewer from New Albany, Indiana — one Anne Miller —
who said that she had recently witnessed something on television truly
horrible. “This was the most obscene thing I’ve watched on TV in a long
time,” she wrote.
Wow. Admittedly this “obscene thing” was limited to what A.M. had actually set eyeballs on and was not the most “obscene thing” ever.
But still... Given all that has appeared on the tube in even the past
decade, the possibilities practically beggar the imagination.
Really.
Think back. What horrors have streamed across your screen in evanescent
images? What would rank at or near the top your list?
We’ll return to our regularly scheduled program in a minute...
While the wheels turn, I want to define our terms. According to my electronic Oxford American Dictionary,
“obscene” can refer to “sexual matters.” However, A.M. explicitly
rejects any concern with such focus. “It’s not the sex on [the show in
question] that turned me off.” So, bare bottoms or chests or crotches
or clever simulations of the sex act did not lead A.M. to change the
cable channel. Real or faux porno: okey-dokey. No problemo.
More
generically, something can be “obscene” if it is “offensive or
disgusting by accepted standards of morality and decency.” This seems
closer to A.M.’s intent. I believe she would agree that what she saw
was “repugnant” to her. Given the strength of her reaction, I wager she
would characterize the “obscene” behavior as “offensive, improper,
degenerate, shocking, scandalous, vile, foul, atrocious, outrageous,
heinous, odious, abhorrent, abominable, hideous, repugnant,
objectionable, repulsive, revolting, repellent, loathsome, nauseating,
sickening, awful, dreadful, terrible, frightful.” Pick your synonym.
Now back to the show!
So. What do you think would be the “most obscene thing on TV in a long time”?
Well.
Six years ago there was the “obscenity” of a handful of pissant
terrorists — aided-and-abetted by a corrupt State that effectively
outlawed self-defense by crew or passengers in flight — a group of
religious idiot nut-jobs hijacked a number of plans and murdered a few
thousand individuals. That day, we got to see —Live! — people jumping to their deaths with loud thuds as they smacked into the ground rather than face incineration.
Nope. Not that.
Lessee.
There has been considerable network and cable coverage of our invasions
of Afghanistan and Iraq for longer than I care to remember. Images of
blasted and burnt bodies have crowded our screens. Torn and bleeding
women and children, elders and innocent bystanders have been the focus
of graphic close-ups by reporters and cameramen. Sick terrorists have
broadcast clumsy beheadings of their helpless captives. Countless bombs
blowing up vehicles and people on roads and in markets and religious
sites have made it onto the airwaves.
Whaddya think? Nah. Not even close.
President
Shrub and his lackeys have blackened our TVs countless times with their
lies and distortions about the unjustified and unconstitutional war
they began. They have spewed endless nonsense as they continue and
expand their affronts to our liberty and our rights. As equally obscene
have been their “opponents” who pretend to something better while
promising more of the same. I speak here of the usual suspects: nearly
all of the major party presidential candidates qualify, especially the
Former First “Lady” whose very visage and name and voice stimulate my
gag reflex.
*Shudder*
But, sadly, uh-uh. Way off base.
Mmm. What else?
Hugo
Chavez turning Venezuela into a dictatorship while he denounces the
United States and is lauded by numb-nutted U.S. actors and liberals as
someone worthy of consuming precious oxygen?
Wrongo.
The
destructive aftermath in New Orleans and the Gulf that followed
hurricane Katrina and the devastation that continues in no small part
due to State interference, malfeasance, and falsehoods as the Gov
squanders our money, rewards fools, and subsidizes ill-conceived
behavior?
Stee-rike.
Fat
and fatuous creeps like Al I-Invented-the-Internet Gore and Michael
Moore scaremongering about global warming and health care to advance
their statist and collectivist agendas?
Well... No.
The
latest celebrity piddling away fame and fortune in truly and
outstandingly deviant ways while receiving treatment from the legal
system that no average Joe Schmo would ever experience?
I wish.
No. What had A.M. of New Albany, Indiana, in a tizzy-fit as “the most obscene thing...on TV”...
...will be revealed right after this message!
And we’re back...
To what was A.M. of New Albany, Indiana, referring in her letter to TV Guide when she said, “This was the most obscene thing I’ve watched on TV in a long time”?
Drum roll, please...
Dum-ta-dah!
A.M. of New Albany, Indiana, “changed channels” from the cable show, Saving Grace, “when Grace not only let a child use a handgun, but provided a lesson in marksmanship.”
...
Gasp! Aaaiiieee!!! *SOB!*
Say it ain’t so, Montressor! Not that! Anything but that!
For
those of you who cannot believe your eyes, let me repeat and emphasize
what A.M. of New Albany, Indiana, decided in all her sorrow “was the
most obscene thing I’ve watched on TV in a long time.”
A television character not only...
LET A CHILD USE A HANDGUN...
(ogodogodogodogodogodogod nnnnnnnooooooooooo......!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
...this character...
...hold on!...
...this character...
...ON TELEVISION, mind you...
....this character...
...PROVIDED...
...A...
....LESSON...
...IN...
............ (*gulp*
Please. It’s not my fault. Don’t shoot the messenger. I’m merely
reporting what A.M. of New Albany, Indiana, said was done on
TV...)............
...MARKSMANSHIP!!!!!!!!!!...
Oh,
the humanity! Oh, woe, unto us to the Nth Generation! Lamentations!
Rend your clothing! Oh, no. It can’t be so! Is there no decency left in
the world? Sodom and Gomorrah were saintly worlds in comparison to this
kind of obscene behavior. I weep for mankind.
Ah,
man. That’s a burden off my chest. I thought I would have a heart
attack, for sure, from holding in my thoughts about what was a mere
secondhand image of something so truly obscene.
Please.
If you are suffering palpitations or shortness of breath or have broken
into cold sweats at reading this news, please, please, consult your
physician. Immediately.
A.M.
of New Albany, Indiana, is, of course, in good company. Why, no less a
personage than that well-known and Oscar-winning actor and philosopher,
Jodie Foster, said something very similar in spirit to A.M.’s words.
In the September 7, 2007, issue of Entertainment Weekly, the illustrious Ms. Foster was interviewed about her new movie, The Brave One.
At great personal risk, Ms. Foster spoke out against the kind of
obscenity decried by A.M. of New Albany, Indiana. She said, “I know I’m
crazy [for saying this] because I’m only supposed to say that in
Europe,” that is, that “guns are a huge part of our culture.” Echoing
Lord Acton’s dictum, Ms. Foster tells us that “...violence corrupts
absolutely.” But more to the point, Ms. Foster reveals the Great Truth
glimpsed only by Superior Souls such as herself and A.M. of New Albany,
Indiana:
“I don’t believe that any gun should be in the hand of a thinking, feeling, breathing human being.”
Sorry. It needed to be said. Guns should only be in the hands of unthinking, unfeeling, non-breathing human beings.
So there.
And that concludes our broadcast day.
